That would be me, but let me explain.
I now work near a military hospital, the same military hospital that I was a patient in many years ago, to have a snapped ligament in my leg operated on. I’ve been working near this hospital now for over a year. On Wednesday of this week, when I was working, and saying a prayer, God reminded me of something that took place there many years ago. I had forgotten all about it.
I had my leg all bandaged up after the operation and I was to spend one day there before they released me. It was quite a day. I had my Bible laying on my bed and nurses, orderlies and a couple of Doctors came by and spoke to me about God all day long. One right after the other, it was just constant. They just started talking and it was personal, heartfelt, discussion. By the evening I was exhausted from talking all day long. That evening when I was saying my prayers, God asked me if I could handle or repeat what I had just experienced and I said no. I felt I was just being honest. I didn’t think I could do that, day in and day out. Of course, now, in hindsight, I could have if He was my strength. But I wasn’t there yet. I didn’t understand like I do now. I asked our heavenly Father to forgive me on Wednesday. After all these years, after working right next to the hospital for over a year, He brought it back to my memory.
And He still loves me, He has proven that countless times since then, over and over again. I literally can recount so many instances where He has warned me about something, directed me, answered me, guided me, corrected me, throughout all the years I have walked with my hand in His.
Yesterday, for some unknown reason, I pondered on what I would do if my wife dies before I do. We’re both 71 years old. It brought me to tears because of how much I love her and how we have shared so much and made it through so many valleys and mountains. She is literally part of me and I would not feel complete without her there by my side. I don’t even want to think about her not being with me. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t days when the love factor is at the bottom end of the scale. My wife has a magnet on the fridge that says “I love you more today that I did yesterday. Yesterday you really pissed me off.” Both of us can easily identify with that mind set.
But there is a big difference between loving your wife and coming to know and love God.
The intellectual part of Christianity where you are thinking, figuring out, studying, putting it all together is there, it has to be. But the love factor is also there and actually it is THE primary factor, the deciding factor. I am not in love with the doctrines of Christianity. I do know how important they are, especially the doctrine of atonement where Jesus paid the price for my sins on the cross. I do love reading God’s word but it’s not the same thing as loving God through a personal relationship.
Like my wife is part of me now, God is part of me. I would not want to be living if He was not with me. I can’t think of any other way to say it. I have mentioned previously about how faith is like jumping into a pool but doing that does not mean deciding you will be a Christian, it’s not following the intellectual pursuit, it means putting your hand in His and literally relying on Him to guide you, to answer your questions, to give you an expected end. It means making that connection to Jesus and through Him, to our Heavenly Father and the Holy Spirit. It’s trusting in the grace that Jesus has provided by paying for our sins on the cross. Faith is trust. It’s personal. It’s the relationship. It’s how the love grows.