One of the definitions of disillusionment reads as follows” “A feeling of disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be.”
A number of years ago, I ran into a period of time where I became disillusioned with a number of the realities of Christianity that I encountered. And it’s important to understand that I’m talking about a number of aspects, not just one or two. It seemed, at the time, that no matter which way I turned, I was continually running into opposition to the truths of Christianity, both from within the Church and without, plus conflicts within myself and the image that I tried to portray to others, about myself.
It obviously wasn’t a good time and for a wide variety of reasons, whether I consciously or unconsciously made the decision to back off from my intended pursuit, I did exactly that. It was a bad decision and in retrospect, ill advised at almost every conceivable level.
I’m not going to go into the particulars of what I encountered, because in hindsight, the particulars don’t really matter. Oh, you may think they do, but in the end, when one follows through with the logic that is pursued, the end result always comes out the same. What I was doing was basically giving up, throwing in the towel, walking away from what I had originally envisioned because my perceived perception of what I was trying to achieve, at that particular time in my life, not only seemed unattainable but totally unrealistic from my practical experience. And I became tired. Tired of the fight, tired of the conflict and tired of the struggle, both from without and from within.
So, what did I do? Well I picked up where I had left off a good number of years previously and decided to once again, try piloting my own ship. And, ultimately, I ran into the same situation that I had previously encountered, where my own desires and selfish needs almost ended up destroying everything that I cherished. Fortunately, because of God’s grace, love and patience, my story doesn’t end there.
There is a passage in the Scriptures where Jesus has just finished telling some of the throng around Him a hard truth to comprehend. It reads as follows in John 6:53-69 NIV
“Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum.
On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.” From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”
As of late, I have once again ran into some opposition or difficulties. Some of it is my own fault (that has since been rectified through confession and repentance plus correction to the unjustly treated brother) and some of it is the result of humanistic tendencies in others, to ignore Godly and heartfelt advice. But once again, the particulars don’t really matter. I am no longer disillusioned about myself or others. It’s not me and them any more. Now it’s just “us” and most importantly, Him. Him of course is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the Son of God.
There is a distinct difference between where I was then and where I am now. Previously I followed an ideal that I equated as being the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You may have participated in the same activities that I did. Church attendance, Bible studies, teaching Sunday school, Christian activities of all sorts. Nothing is wrong with any of these things, but for me, there was one critical element missing. I hadn’t come to terms with the Lordship of Jesus. I hadn’t fully grasped my dependency, I didn’t fully comprehend my total need for His input in my life. And most importantly, I hadn’t come to know Him as I am coming to know Him now. And oh, there is such a difference.
Self inflicted injuries play a significant role in our development of learning to walk with Jesus. No, they are not fun. Sometimes we have to learn the same lesson over and over again until it finally “takes”. Considering how we too often react to His correction and guidance, one could easily understand if Jesus became disillusioned with us, but He doesn’t. That boggles my mind.
I don’t know who said it but this saying is true, “We forgive the inexcusable in others because God forgives the inexcusable in us”. Focus on Jesus. He is our anchor. He is our strength, He is our righteousness, He is our Deliverer, He is our everything. Our Heavenly Father ordained it to be so.
Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”
Worthy is the Lamb! Blessings!