That Brick Wall

brickwall

I don’t know what it is as of late but it’s definitely there. I just can’t seem to get past it. It’s not that I don’t see what’s on the other side and it’s not that I don’t hear God’s words of reassurance, I can see beyond this physical world and I can hear the words that God has given us. And it’s not about unbelief and it’s not about not caring. I do believe and I do care and my trust is indeed in Jesus. In fact, it’s solely because of Him that I have any hope at all. And I am so thankful for His love, grace and mercy.

Maybe it’s because this body of mine is dealing with old age and I can’t ignore it anymore. Maybe it’s because I know my time is short and I don’t want any loose ends left behind. It’s not enough that I trust and have faith in Jesus, I desperately need to see those that I do love, who do not know Him, come to know Him, before I leave this world. Maybe it’s because I find it difficult to understand my own short sightedness and maybe it’s because it seems like so many are on a merry go round and the music is coming to an end and we’re all still fighting to find our horse and getting the horse doesn’t really matter at all. Far too many chose the wrong path and don’t even know it.

The incompleteness that I see in myself and others, especially those that I love, really bothers me. How can we leave this world behind knowing that so many of those that we love and deeply care for haven’t even looked into the reality of who Jesus is. And I pray, with tears, I repeatedly pray, but I don’t see any change and it tears me apart. Not only do I not see any change but it seems to get worse. Those whose minds and hearts are opposed to God keep reaffirming their apathy, time and time again. We are all so short sighted, we are all so blind. And what also hurts is my own example falls so short, the light that illuminates from me hardly registers a consideration. I think of all the times when I failed to demonstrate the grace that has been shown and given to me, to others. And I also think of how quickly what we have done for those that we love is forgotten, our sacrifices and demonstrations of selflessness evaporating away into the nothingness of the past, much like what we do with God’s demonstrations of goodness to us in the past.

If it was just me I’m thinking it would be fine but it isn’t just me. The reality is that all will not be saved. The reality is that some of those that I love with all of my heart will truly be left behind. And there is a deep sadness that I can’t seem to shake off. I trust God to deal with my own incompleteness when I am changed and see Him face to face. It’s the others that bother me. Like the sinking of the Titanic, if I knew they were in the life boats I could leave this world behind but for so many, they’re not in the lifeboats, in fact, for far too many, they don’t even know the ship is sinking. Loose ends, unanswered questions about their fate, much sadness.

I know that even here, with this sadness, I must trust God. Knowing it is one thing, allowing it to change what I see and feel is another. Many times God has shown me in the past that just because I cannot see what He has been doing, does not negate what He has been and is doing. He still does things that I am not aware of, He still can do the impossible, even when I think there is no hope, even when I think the door has been shut. So many times He has done this, with me and with others that I have been involved with. So I must trust, I must disregard what I see and I must focus on His goodness and His mercy that He has demonstrated to me so many many times before. I am mindful of Nabeel Qureshi’s passing, when Nabeel pretty well knew that the end was near. He didn’t want to have his life on earth to come to an end and leave his wife and daughter behind, but he said, even here, he trusted God.

I’m thinking that all of us will someday hit this wall. I’m also thinking that I wrote this for me but maybe in God’s grace, it’s for you too.

Worthy is the Lamb! Blessings!

 

 

About

Disciple of Jesus, married to Peggy, with 5 grown up children, 7 grand children, ex-Canadian military and residing in beautiful Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, Canada. a.k.a. "Papa"

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Posted in Apologetics, Faith, Witnessing
44 comments on “That Brick Wall
  1. You’re in good company brother- “I am speaking the truth in Christ—I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit— that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.”
    Romans 9:1‭-‬3 ESV
    https://bible.com/bible/59/rom.9.1-3.ESV

    Liked by 7 people

  2. Thank you for this moving, heartfelt post, Bruce. We are the same age, and I can certainly relate to all you wrote. But I am more hopeful, even though in my own family and friend circle, there are far fewer who have come to the Lord, than in yours. One reason I don’t despair is that I myself came to Christ late in life, so I know that hope is eternal. Another is that I know that absolutely everything we do or say has meaning and that nothing “evaporates into the nothingness of the past”. In science this is called “the butterfly effect”. A stranger’s smile on a crowded train can change the world. A brief word you spoke to a grandchild two years ago, will come back to her in 20 years and give her hope. This very blog post (and all the others) you write have an impact you cannot imagine on many lives. Your trust in the Lord spreads out like the ripples of a stone cast into a pond, and while we can never know all the people they touch, and how we change their lives, we do know that God is using us and what we say and do for His purposes, and everything matters. We might not taste or even see the fruit, but believe me, brother, it’s all growing ripe, and will nourish many for a long time.

    Liked by 7 people

    • Bruce says:

      I hear you Sy and you’re right about not knowing. God can indeed do the impossible, I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Thank you so much for the kind words. Grace and blessings brother.

      Like

  3. bcparkison says:

    I understand your concern. Dealing with my 86 year old Dad is a concern for me right now. He is doing things and saying things I would never have imagined and I have to wonder if what I thought was my dad was a deception. Only God knows and I have to trust him that when the time comes my dad will be where he should be in Gods will.There is just no way to “reach’ his mind at this point.

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  4. Thanks for the great insight into your spiritual life. Your transparency is inspiring. The Romans 9 scripture already cited is excellent. Our Master Jesus travailed in the Garden before His death. He showed us the depth of sorrow.

    Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Stephen says:

    You’re one stubborn man Bruce. I trust Jesus will have mercy on you as He will on all. And if He doesn’t, well now, it’s His choice. Those who’m Jesus Christ wants, will be drawn to Him. You’re problem is that you trust to much in your belief’s of what the bible is and what you believe it says.
    I know you think that you’re here for me, but in Truth, I’m here for you Bruce.
    May Jesus bring you peace.

    Like

    • Bruce says:

      You can never go wrong trusting in God Stephen. Blessings.

      Like

    • Cindy Dawson says:

      “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”

      Proverbs 18:2

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      • Stephen says:

        I suggest you compare that verse with other translations and then do a blue letter bible search on the original meaning . You will see that the translation you used here is not very good for this verse.

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      • Bruce says:

        Proverbs 18:2, I did Stephen, NASB, NET, NKJV, RSV and they all line up with the general connotation as expressed in the NIV. Cindy didn’t agree with your comment and neither do I. But you already knew that. Have a blessed Sunday Stephen.

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      • Stephen says:

        But what about the KJV? And what about the original Hebrew Bruce? It’s really telling when someone has to go through every translation and pick the translation that best best represents their own ideas.
        Thanks for your response Bruce.

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      • Stephen says:

        And one more thing Bruce, I find it odd that you haven’t threatened Cindy with Matthew 5:22 as you did to me when I wrote a comment months back. Only I didn’t call anyone a fool. Perhaps your perceived problem with your family is not the reality of Jesus Christ, but instead, the reality of your hypocritical religion’s beliefs along with all the delusional double standards.. This is the reason people turn to religions such as NAR. There you have it Bruce, no need to ponder it anymore.

        I like how you posted my comment thinking it would should everyone my hypocrisy about picking translations of the bible. But the question is, what does the original text really say?
        I doubt any of your subscribers care to look it up as the narrative is always more important than the Truth.
        The Baptist way always trumps Jesus. You could insert any denomination in that sentence

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      • Bruce says:

        Please check this link out Stephen: https://biblehub.com/interlinear/proverbs/18-2.htm
        The problem was not that the scripture Cindy quoted wasn’t translated accurately, the problem was you didn’t like the possible association that it could have been inferencing you. You will recall she was making a response to your opinion of what my problem is. That statement read “Your problem is that you trust to much in your belief’s of what the bible is and what you believe it says.” Please note that I made an effort to let that go. This follow-up comment where you make the statement “Perhaps your perceived problem with your family is not the reality of Jesus Christ, but instead, the reality of your hypocritical religion’s beliefs along with all the delusional double standards.” is similar in kind to your initial opinion. I strongly disagree. I ensured you’ve had your say. You might want to consider that we will be giving an account for every careless word spoken (Matthew 12:36). Let it go.

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    • Steven I’m new to this site, but what you say here is kinda confusing. You “trust that Jesus will have mercy on” Bruce “as He will on all. And if He doesn’t”…. your trust doesn’t seem too sure brother. Just saying. Words are important. They reveal us. But it’s not my word; and not your word, but God’s word that is important.

      Like

      • Bruce says:

        Hi Jerry, I thank you for commenting. If you read my follow-ups to Stephen you will note that we disagree substantially on what constitutes the “Word of God” and have had numerous semi polite discussions in the past. I will monitor closely and if necessary, not authorize the release of any more offensive comments in this thread by Stephen if he persists. Not keen about doing that but ridicule is not discussion. Sincerely appreciate you taking the time to comment. Grace and blessings!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Bruce I agree with your decision to allow his comments. I do the same on my site. Hopefully everyone will stay civil, and hopefully everyone is on here wanting to be civilized and loving because the do love the Lord. Thanks for the post. And your acknowledging my comment. Blessings brother.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Stephen says:

        You a baptist as well Jerry? I’m sure of the sovereignty of Jesus Christ. What about you? The difference between me and the rest of you, I trust in Jesus Christ, you all trust in the bible. We will indeed find out when we die who the Word of God IS and who trusted in Him.
        Bruce feel free to email me at horseface40@hushmail.com if you’d like to discuss this further without your fellow cheerleading squad.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Bruce says:

        Hi Stephen, just posted a article from gotquestions.org that addresses your point of contention. Feel free to comment (without ridicule would be a nice touch). Blessings.

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      • Not a Baptist, you probably should visit my site before you label me. I know that Jesus is the Word of God made flesh. He often met with

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      • The prophets and others in Israel as the Word of God. Sorry last sent before I finished. But He is much more than the Bible, but He never goes against His written word either. Hope to meet you one day in the kingdom Steven.

        Like

  6. dettinger47 says:

    I am with you on ever count, Bruce. I have been saved 33 years, and have not seen a single loved one come to Christ. I stand with you, brother!

    Like

  7. Kevin Riddle says:

    I definitely understand where you’re coming from, brother. I have people in my life that I want to see come to the Lord and it is not easy thinking that one day I will leave it all behind and not necessarily know. Yet we have to trust in the Lord, as you said. He is the only one who can save and it is all in His hands. So I pray and get on with life, hoping in the grace and mercy and love of Christ.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. After so many years I am still coming to grips with the fact that only God can open a heart, and that all I can do is pray and love the unsaved people in my life.

    Liked by 5 people

  9. hawk2017 says:

    You put in words what I feel. Thank you.:)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. hawk2017 says:

    Reblogged this on Logos Speaks.

    Like

  11. anitashope says:

    Wonderful heartfelt post. I think we all have a brick wall at times that we face and I think as we get older we start seeing more through “his” eyes and want os desperately for others to see as well. Blessing to you.

    Like

  12. SLIMJIM says:

    Wow this is a very intense version of how I have certain blues that I call evangelistics blues. Now I’m not doing a comparison and no doubt its harder as we see things don’t change when we get older; but it breaks my heart when I see the lost and thinking about hell sometimes. And also seeing Christians not getting it and tripping over small things that is made bigger than it is. I know I’m guilty myself…just prayed for you and also the prayers you have too for others…

    Like

  13. Cindy Dawson says:

    I have written way too much to put in a comment. I will make it a post and publish it Sunday. I think it will encourage you. At least I hope so! Blessings, my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Bruce says:

    Thanks Cindy, I’ll be watching!

    Like

  15. Oh my…, this could have come from my very own heart! I feel the same anguish for those I love and it appears the water keeps getting more muddy! I love Robert Chamberlain’s verse and these words I’ve spoken back to the Lord in my prayers: ‘God, you see all, You know all, and my trust needs to reflect that. What seems shocking to me is of no surprise to you, LORD! It may even be a part of Your plan. Help me in my weakness and despair believe You are still working. Amen.’ Grace and blessings and thank you for your courage to share this out loud to remove the power from Satan to use it against you!

    Like

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