I haven’t been writing about my personal thoughts as of late, because I, like most of you, have been experiencing some difficulties and who really needs to hear someone else spouting off with more of their problems. But God has been gracious and on a number of days, after my normal prayers in the morning, I have come back to the Lord in prayer, later on in the day, because of what I have read or seen from fellow Christians, that has touched my heart. And, in the vast majority of cases, what I have seen is that my problems are really so very small, compared to what some other brothers and sisters are dealing with. The ability to put some of the things happening around us into a more realistic perspective is a beautiful thing.
And in these times of turmoil, where emotions can so easily be affected from so many different directions at the same time, and my own susceptibility to not always be able to adequately control my emotions, in the manner that Jesus would have me do, has left me with the awareness that this mind and heart of mine, and subsequently, my emotions, are in constant need for God’s forgiveness and intervention. And, coupled with this awareness, is also the feeling of gratitude that I have, that Jesus puts up with me.
The more that God shows me of myself, the more that I become aware that my dependency in Him is so much greater than I ever would have imagined. We are to extend grace to others because we have received grace and when push comes to shove, God and I are not even on the same ball field. Far too many times it would appear that I take one step forward in one area and two steps back in another. Anyone who thinks that we don’t need a Saviour doesn’t really know or comprehend themselves. And of course, the one difference between those who are in God’s Kingdom and those who are without, is the sheer grace that God our Father has extended to us, through His Son Jesus, and the path that God opened to us through the obedience and shed blood of His Son. Sheer grace.
And we can mentally subscribe to receiving God’s grace but far too often, when it comes time for us to pass that grace on, to others, where we are personally directly involved, we hit those hiccups where the “I” in us, comes face to face with the difference between Jesus and ourselves. That’s where the love your enemy comes into play, turning the other cheek and serving rather than being served. Not to mention, how we sometimes interact with those that we love.
I know that God’s Holy Spirit lives within us. I know His voice, I am aware of His leading when I hear it. It’s the times when I don’t hear Him and I follow my own understanding or humanistic leanings that bother me the most. Jesus doesn’t mess up, I do. And what I find is that this leaning on my own understanding happens not only with those who I casually interact with, but most importantly, it also happens with those that I love. Sometimes, through God’s sheer grace, He honours my prayer and does for me what I cannot do. But yet, there are still times when I go it alone and that is when I encounter the “me” in “me”.
The mental and heart state of Adam and Eve, prior to the fall, must have been a beautiful thing. And I can’t help but feel that somehow through all of this that we go through, God is showing us that our need for Him is total, mind, heart and soul and this awareness of our need is a process that we need to go through to appreciate and value Him. And the need and price of that value was so great that it needed to be demonstrated to us by God Himself, and the obedience of His Son, that we might have life in Him.
Jesus cleans up what I leave behind. It’s what He does. I can’t even begin to be, in myself, what He is. I can only begin to see Him as He is and ask for His forgiveness and ask Him to live in me so much more than the me that lives in me. I can see the love of God in some others, woven between the unseen lines. I need more of His love in me.
Worthy is the Lamb! Blessings!