Did you ever notice that the older we get, the more we come to realize, how little we actually know?
Did you ever notice how our condescending statements to others, is usually indicative of ourselves?
Have you ever noticed that our attitude on how we approach others, usually dictates how they will respond?
Sometimes, when I am praying to God, He will bring to my remembrance, something that I did many years ago. God did that to me yesterday. He reminded me how I had responded to Him, when He had orchestrated a series of people to come to me, one after another, many years ago. I was in the military at that time and I had snapped a ligament on the inside of one of my knees and had to have it surgically removed. No big deal. The day after the operation I was laying on the bed in the military hospital, with my Bible on my bed. From early in the morning until about 8 PM at night, one person after another came to me and spoke to me about God. It was unreal. The whole day, one after another. A couple were Doctors, a number were nurses and orderlies and there were even some fellow patients. The thing was, it just never stopped. It seemed that as one left, another would approach.
And it wasn’t because I possessed any great wisdom, it was just down to earth discussion, back and forth, that was friendly and inquisitive. It was good discussion and a good number of people really opened themselves up to me and I shared about Jesus from my heart. As I indicated, about 8 PM in the evening it stopped and I was exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. I have no idea why but I just was. Then God asked me a question. This thought presented itself firmly in my mind.
“If I asked you to do this for Me on a daily basis, would you be willing to do it?” God had just demonstrated to me what only He could do. It had nothing to do with my abilities because they were anything but great. And I said no.
The thing was, I was focusing on me, not on Him. There were a whole bunch of reasons for why I answered as I did but the bottom line was that I looked at my abilities and not what God could do. How stupid was that? But that is where I was at that time. If I had it to do over again I would not answer as I did. That’s not to say that I still would not have reservations about my abilities, but I have learned a few things since then. Being a fast learner when it comes to the things of the Lord is definitely not one of my strong suits.
Heaven only knows what could have been. And that is not to say that God has not used me over the years. Many people have opened themselves up to me, since that day, and I am grateful for all that God has orchestrated. But along the way, I had my own real problems that also needed dealing with. If there was one word that I could choose to encapsulate God’s dealings with me over the years, it would be “grace”. Time and time again. Wonderful grace, totally undeserved grace, lump in your throat grace.
That statement about coming to realize as you get older, how little you know, is so very very real. “Clueless” is a word I could easily use, because so many times I just don’t know what to do or what to say, to those that I love and care for, that I am fearful for, about their not knowing our Lord or for those who do believe and trust in Him, on how they walk. And of course, there are still so many areas that I myself still need work on.
I told God yesterday that I was sorry. Truly sorry, because it grieves me of what could have been and most of all, for me letting Him down. God’s grace still dominates my existence. Grace with my walk with Him, grace with my wife and grace with our children and others that we love and care for. I don’t get in God’s way nearly as much as I used to but I still can manage to upset the apple cart from time to time. I don’t sin as much as I used to, but just when I think I am making real progress, God shows me a room in me that I haven’t even noticed was there before and of course, that presumed momentum I felt I possessed, slows down significantly. This has nothing at all to do with humility, it is reality.
I know one thing. God is real. He has proved that to me countless times and I cherish His presence. I have placed my hand in His. God knows what I do not know and God understands what I do not understand and I can and do trust Him. And that in itself is a gift. And I know that God sent us His Son, Jesus, to declare of Himself and show us the way that He is. Jesus personifies our heavenly Father. God is Holy. Wondrously Holy. Beautifully Holy. And I am not.
But Jesus is, and that is why God our Father sent us His Son. And it is all grace, God’s sheer grace.
I wish I knew back then, what I know now, maybe things would have been different. But then, maybe they wouldn’t, because God knew where I was back then and He knows where I am now and He was waiting for me to know that.
And how do you say thank you for that?
Worthy is the Lamb! Blessings!